How to accept a plaque 1950's style

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Are you receiving a major award sometime in the near future?  Don't know what to say?  Have no fear- there is an etiquette book for that!  Here is a suggested acceptance speech:

Thank you for this magnificent plaque.  It touches me to be so honored.  I shall include this beautiful plaque in my valuable possessions as a common handed to me by representatives of this great fraternal organization.  I have really done nothing more than in my own humble way to serve this fine fraternity as best I could.  I shall continue to serve as long as I am able.

From: What to Say and How to Say It, 1955

Come On In, The Wine Is fine (Pageant October 1956)

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Pageant magazine seemed to capitalize on teaching people how to appear like they know what they are talking about when they don't.  True to form, how to appear as if you know something about wine (when you don't):

Obviously, what we need is a foolproof method of identifying the various wines. Herewith, Pageant offers you just that.  Read on and you'll never again have to pretend you've broken your glasses when a waiter hands you a wine list.  You can impress your palate and your friends with your knowledge of table wines.  --- wines you drink with your meal....

Acquiring a working knowledge of table wines is no different from learning about any other subject-- there are basic facts and distinctions which must be made clear.

 Now, although you may never have bought a bottle of wine you certainly have purchased a phonograph record at one time or another and you know that: Basically, there are two kinds of records: Popular and Classical.  Likewise, there are two kinds of table wine: Red and White. 

 There are also different types of popular and classical records: Vocal, Orchestral, Operas, Symphonies, Concertos.  And there are also different types of red and white wines: Claret, Burgundy, Rhine, Chablis, Sauterne....So far, so good....

From: Pageant magazine, October 1956
 

How To Scoff at Psychic Phenomena Intelligently

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Different eras call for different life skills.  In the 1950's, apparently it was important to know how to at least sound as if you knew something about the object of your ridicule. The title of this post is actually the title of the original article from which the following is an excerpt (brackets are my own thoughts...it's probably terribly rude to 'interrupt', but I just couldn't help it):

Do you believe in ghosts, communicating with the dead, or seeing into the dim future? It's the fashion for sensible, logical people to laugh at such ideas.  The idea of talking to people thousands of miles away was once scoffed at, too. [Yes, I can see how belief in ghosts, channeling, and psychic powers and belief in telephones are nearly identical] Intelligence, not superstition, will provide the true answer...

 If you're an uncritical scoffer you have plenty of company... 

....you'll say spooks are contrary to the laws of nature and anyone who  says he's had dealings with them must be kidding himself. That's unscientific, however, and, according to Dr. Curt J. Ducasse, retired chairman of the philosophy department of Brown University, you're "only displaying the inverted credulity which assumes that there are no limits whatever to the possibilities of deception." In other words [good- an interpretation... because I have NO idea what Dr. Ducasse just said] you can be too incredulous, which is about as unintelligent and unscientific as the kind of hook-line-and-sinker credulity that swallows every scrap of supernormal manifestation as established truth.

To sum up the rest of the article: When you're preparing to "scoff" at something, make sure you've learned enough about it to sound like you know something about it and actually considered belief in it at one time or another.  Then your scoffing has achieved the status of critical, intelligent scoffing.  To aid with intelligent scoffing at "psychic phenomena", the magazine also includes about 10 pages explaining the science of psychic studies, presumably for the scoffers-in-training to study.

From: Pageant Magazine, October 1956